Title: It Was All A Big Mistake
Author: Jemma Rhodes
E-mail: jemme_ring@yahoo.co.uk
Website: http://samandjackshouse.bravepages.com/
Story Status: Complete
Series/Sequel Info: None
Season: Six
Spoilers: Meridian, Revelations, Abyss, Full Circe, The Changeling.
Categories: Angst, Darkness
Pairings: Sam and Jack
Rating: NC-17
Content Warnings: Sex, dark thoughts and stuff
Summary: How do they deal with him not telling her about Daniel visiting?
Archive Permissions: My site, Jackfic, Carterfic, Heliopolis, SJD yes. Anyone else please ask!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters relating to Stargate. They belong to MGM and any of their associates. I'm just playing around with them for a little while!
File Size: 36 KB
Authors Note: My first proper NC-17! This one is pretty dark I think. Not a happy ending folks. You have been warned! Some feedback would be appreciated given this is my first attempt at NC-17 and I haven't written in a while anyway!
Date: 02/03/2003

***

It was all a big mistake.
Well, that is what I tried to convince myself of after it happened.

*
What the hell was he thinking?! He'd seen Daniel months ago and never told me about it? Charming.
My disbelief had been easily ignored at the briefing by all concerned, even Teal'c. I don't know what I wanted to do.
Part of me wanted to smack him right in the mouth for not telling me about it and another part of me just wanted to cry in frustration that our friendship wasn't strong enough to deserve that honesty.
We walked to the gear up room in silence.
Jack ahead with Teal'c, followed by Jonas and then me.
I should have known that fate would have made it so him and I were the last to be ready for the mission. No words were spoken at all. Not even a whisper.
I just couldn't start a sentence. I wouldn't know where to take it.
With my back turned I hear something which sounds suspiciously like a boot smack to the floor with a thud. I jump slightly at the unexpected noise, but more than that, the unexpected quietness after it.
Of course, that's before it happened.

*
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be."

*
The boot crashing to the floor is followed by silence, and then a rush of adrenalin.
I feel strength on my shoulders spinning me like a wheel.
Then I feel strength on my lips.
Pent up anger, emotion, desire, fear, hurt, sadness, grief and love are all laced in that one kiss.

*
Good god. What the hell had I been thinking?

*
I didn't stop to think about what was happening. I wanted to hurt him. Just like he hurt me in one fowl swoop.
Our lips bruise against each other's, hands tugging and pulling and clothing only recently put on.

*
"It shouldn't have happened."
"Then why did it?"

*
All we wanted to do was lose our selves.
The pain, the grief, the loss. This is the only way I could get rid of it.
It was selfish, wanting to hurt him for something that wasn't entirely his fault.

*
I fumble with his belt as he shoves me against the lockers at the side of the room; our only thought is now to destroy. Destroy the hurt.
His incessant grinding of his pelvis against mine makes my job that much harder, but I eventually manage to remove the belt and divest him of the rest of his clothing much faster.
It's then I notice that my T-shirt has been pushed up above my breasts, just before his mouth rips away from mine. He looks me in the eye for a mere second before lowering his head and beginning his torture.

*
"Why?"
"Loss."

*
He's made quick work of my already half off shirt, and does the same with my trousers. Although they are not completely removed; just shoved down as far as my ankles, as far as they need to go.
On instinct I use the wall the lever my legs up around his waist.
Once securely wrapped around him the reality of our situation comes to light.
I can feel his hard length pushed up again my lower abdomen; I can hear our harsh breathing; I can smell the arousal.
I find myself having moments in life where everything suddenly becomes very clear. This is one such moment.
His face is pushed hard into my neck. I feel his tongue licking the sweat from my skin. Our lower halves grind relentlessly against each other.
Suddenly a memory flashes in my mind.

*
"Colonel. We need to talk."
"I don't want to hear it Carter."
"You can't just pretend this didn't happen."
"I'm not pretending anything. This is the job. Welose people all the time."
"We're talking about Daniel."
"What do you want me to do? He's gone. We've got work to do."

*
His words mock me in my thoughts, spurring on my anger.
I reach down between us and grasp his penis hard, enough to cause pain, letting him know exactly what I want, and that I want it now.
I feel his lips leave my neck, only to be replaced by him filling my core with himself.
I gasp and let my head fall back against the wall behind us.
We waste no time and immediately begin thrusting towards our goal: healing.
He pounds me and I pound back. His forehead once again comes to rest, this time on my shoulder. I feel teeth roughly biting the skin. In retaliation I dig my nails into his shoulders, back and any other part of his skin that I can reach.
His movements become rougher and harsher.
Mine do the same.
I feel hands under my arms, holding me against the wall.
I feel teeth ripping at me.
I feel heat growing within me.
Gasping at the sudden intensity of arousal, I reach down between our bodies to touch myself. I rub hard, my hips suddenly bucking furiously out of control into his as release claims me.
The overwhelming intensity of pleasure is slowly replaced by strange calmness. I barely even recognise when he reaches his peak, and I wouldn't have done if not for the warmth that shot up into my body from his.

*
There is that overwhelming quietness again.
The kind that was there just before his boot was dropped to the ground.
And now I feel that the other boot, or should I say, shoe, is dropping.

*
Harsh panting and rough breathing fills the room for long moments before the first words in what seem like hours are spoken.
"I'm sorry," he says quietly into my chest.
"Don't be," I reply in a completely normal voice.
"It shouldn't have happened."
"Then why did it?" I retort, letting my legs slide away from his body.
He keeps his forehead rested against me, but I don't touch him.
"Loss," he mumbles before pulling his head away and turning.
I close my eyes so I don't have to watch him.
I hear the sounds of clothes being put on once more, the slamming of a door, and then nothing.
I open my eyes.
I continue to stand there. Naked. Alone.
The room has never felt more empty.

***
That's it!! I've done it!! Finito!! Hope you've enjoyed it, and as always…………FEEDBACK me!!!